Monday, April 12, 2010

Children




Is it possible for a mother to dislike her children? After all, they're people too and suppose they grow up to be the kind of people she would not necessarily associate with on a normal basis. What prompts a mother to feel like this after years of love, affection, devotion and sacrifice, that's what mother's do anyway, right? At least many of the mothers that have crossed my path are like that. I'm sure there a few that probably should have raised lemurs but had those little darlings anyway.

What causes a mother to feel nothing except for occasional feelings of contempt, disappointment and disgust? What happens when that blessed, unexplainable bond of unconditional love, is nothing but a void, a limbo? What happens is that this mother has finally reached her point of no return. She has been brutally, bullishly,and mean-fully abused and betrayed by that child.

This mother wonders where she went wrong, what element in her personality or in her parental skills were lacking. She cries much, she laments the loss of love, not only from that child, but the nothingness she feels for that child. She prays that someday there will be resolution. And if that ever happens, the relationship will be very different; the mother will be extremely guarded.

When grandchildren are part of this departure from that child's affection, the pain is heart-breaking. The grandmother has a history with these children, she was present at their births, she aided in their upbringing, she was so very much part of their lives. The grandmother is now responsible for what ever evil she allegedly befell on their family.

So back to the initial question, can a mother really dislike her children? Peace out.

11 comments:

yoborobo said...

Oh, Georgina, I am so sorry. Maybe with time, things will iron themselves out between the two of you. I hope there are much better days ahead for you, and I am so sorry you are going through this tough time. xox Pam

Diane MacNaughtan * Dianie Mac * said...

Georgina,
As saddened as I am to say.. but Yes, it is possible to dislike your grown child.
It doesn't mean we don't love them, maybe that is why it hurts us so.
I am so sorry for what you are going through.
Things will work themselves out in time.
Sending a big hug and prayers for comfort and strength.

~Diane

Linda in New Mexico said...

My sista friend, I know that your love for your child has changed. That you are in pain and that clouds everything. I used to say to mine when she was small, I will always love you but I don't like you right now. As she has grown, my love for her has changed too. As my sweet baby girl, in my heart, it is the same. But not in the day to day. We are two different people and much like a marriage, we work on our relationship daily...ur hourly.
But when it involves your grands....wow, the color of that dislike is really ugly and stepping across the line of common decency and using the grands is reprehensible. Forgiveness would be out of reach for me in that case.
I hurt for your grandmaother's heart and soul. I feel betrayal for your mother's heart. I have a feeling that "miss thing" will be wearing a very heavy coat in hell when that forgiveness arrives from you and I don't blame you.
I love you bunches, hang on, hang in and karma will take care of the rest.
Blessings and goats, Linda
vert word: tridis
I wish I had a pill for what ails ya and then I would say tridis.

Beehive Cottage said...

A friend once told me, when I was in deep despair over my daughter, that there was only one thing that I could do...that was to love her. I didn't have to like what she was doing, I only had to love her. It's taken a very long time & lots of heartache for me to really understand what my friend meant. When we love someone, we treat them differently...with more care & understanding. Those who need love the most are probably the ones who deserve it the least.
I am so sorry for the pain you are experiencing...I know what it feels like, especially with grandkids involved. Try to rise above it & choose love. It will be worth it in the long run.
Debbie

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

I have no answers - but you have my best healing thoughts.

Gloria said...

Hi Georgina, sorry I haven't been around. I'm still commuting back and forth to SJ. I suppose it is possible to "dislike" your own child, but inside we'll always love them. My thoughts are with you. Take care.

Cynjon said...

I think it's as possible for a parent to dislike a child as it is for a child to dislike a parent. While genes may be shared, everyone is their own individual...and sometimes those individuals don't mesh.
Much love to you.

Deborah said...

Prayers spiraling up to heaven, silver threads connecting mother to child, child to mother. I am so sorry for your pain. One day this will be just a blip in the road...sometimes it hurts so much to hold on, waiting for answered prayers. All my love to you, Deb

oldblackcatboo said...

Oh Georgina! My heart goes out to you! When you said that you feel nothing, I understood just what you meant...sometimes it's less painful to block that person out, try to put them out of your mind, pretend they don't exist and feel Nothing.
But to use the grandkids to inflict pain upon you, to hurt your heart...how awful...I wish I could do something to help you through this...I agree with Linda! I ditto everything she said in her comment!
Take care my friend! - Cindi

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Deborah said...

Just stopping by to give you a hug. And a rainbow with a pot filled with baby bunnies. I think it is important to not blame yourself. One gift my problem child gave me was even in the deepest of his addiction, he always told me that it was not my fault...that he was the one who made the choices. Miracles do happen. Praying for comfort and strength for you. **blows kisses** Deb