Friday, November 20, 2009

Memories


Good Morning all you wonderful blogger friends. I haven't been around much lately since I really haven't been my ol' self. It's getting to that time of year that reality is very busy knocking on my head. This time last year my Pop was still around, ill, but still with us. He was able to attend our Thanksgiving celebration at my brothers in Las Cruces, NM, right up the road from here. I remember driving my folks up and singing along with Frank Sinatra on the CD player...my dad loved to sing. When he was in the hospital a few weeks later, he began singing "YMCA" and we both laughed about that, then we proceeded to go into old show tunes...we were brought up with Broadway music. Anyway, that was the last family meal we had together.

My wonderful father passed away just a few weeks later on Dec. 19th, 2008. The photograph above was taken 6 days later on December 24, are usual family Christmas get-together. That night we all knew a family tradition was gone. One that we had celebrated since our births, including grandchildren and great-grandchildren. Our dad was the heart of the Diaz' gatherings and our heart was now gone....we felt lost. We knew things were going to change, perhaps the beginning of new traditions, but change was definitely in the air. I think it frightened us because this is all we knew our entire lives. Change can be so ominous, but we've always rolled with it and see where it takes us, usually better places, but how could it get better without my father?

This year, there will be great changes, my mother is going to Southern CA to visit with my little brother and his family, my sister and niece will stay put in Phoenix, AZ, I will be traveling to Austin, TX to be with my older 2 children and my grandsons. My brother, Fred, and his family haven't decided since we were going to celebrate CE at my mother's house, but now that I'm going to be out of town, he's undecided whether he wants to spend it at home, or maybe drive up to Phoenix to celebrate with my sister. I so wanted my youngest to go with me to see his siblings and nephews, but without going into too much detail, his father has objected to the fact that he would have to purchase the ticket since I told him that this was my Christmas gift from my husband and I couldn't afford it, but this wasn't about him traveling with me, this was about Ian being with his sibs. He and wifey apparently have been a huge sores on every one's buttocks since I announced I would be going to Austin to spend Christmas with OUR children and grandchildren. Originally I was going to have Ian for the entire month of Dec., and I still intend on having him for 4 weeks, there will be a small break between them, though. He's angry because he can't control me anymore and usually blames everyone else, me being the biggest and baddest bee-atch, and if he can't blame others, he admits to lose of memory...jerk!

My daughter is thrilled and we're talking about having the Mommy/Daughter bake-off when I arrive bringing along our traditional Christmas Eve Mexican tamales. My little guys are ecstatic and can't wait and my son-in-law is also very excited...he's a great guy, wonderful step dad and daddy!!

However, with this new adventure waiting for me, I'm still very sad about it all. Like a child, I want things to be the way they were, but as the adult, I realistically know that's not going to happen. I'm keeping an open mind and looking forward to spending this holiday with my children, sadly, minus Ian and my hubby, but the hubby is going to Chicago to visit with his daughter and our sweet, adorable Aiden. I just wish I could win the lottery and take my son, but don't you have to play the lottery to in order to win????? LOL Well, I've rambled enough and I don't know if I feel any better, but it was good to mark these feeling with words. Peace out.

12 comments:

Tristan Robin Blakeman said...

I remember the first holiday I went through without my dad being around ... it was not the same. The truth is, it will never be the same again - but it's still wonderful and cherished time with family and friends. So 'the same' is something that transitions into something else. But it still warms the heart and heals the soul.

Olde Baggs n Stuft Shirts by LindaOma said...

Georgina my dear, I want you to know that your words a like a balm. It may not make you feel better immediately but just getting it outside of yourself is so theraputic. Keep on keeping on. If it were one or the other but the feeling of loss for your beloved Father and then adding the disappointment of not having all your chickens together, well you have a right to vent. And we, out here in blogdom, who love you bunches will help by being here for you. So bee atch with your old bad self and get ta feelin' betta. Blessings and goats, Linda

Georgina said...

Tristan and Linda, thank you so much for your kind and lovely words. I'm so blessed in having wonderful friends out there who care about each other. Thank you again, you are angels.

Deborah said...

Oh Georgina, I am so very sorry about the loss of your Dad. I almost lost my Daddy last January...we brought him and Mommy to live with us for a few months and he was on Hospice, but miraculously, God blessed us with another year. But I will never forget that drive up to Utah after being told that my Daddy would not make it through the night. I know this sounds so trite, but your Dad is with you always...you just have to give yourself enough quite time to hear and feel him. I am sorry about the family difficulties cause by your ex too. Unforgivable, unnecessary drama. Vent, vent, vent all you want and need...usually we lead ourselves to the right answer that way. Lifting you in prayer, Deb

Anne Huskey-Lockard said...

I think, Georgina, that since I have no family anywhere near here (none I am *close* with) that it makes the holidays especially hard. Everyone has cars piled in their drives and it is just Gary and I, doing our thing, Which of course means less work, but less fun, less people to talk with, less....we....spirit. Reading about you dad put me almost to tears.
Yet you have family and from what you have said of him, I am sure he would want you to just be YOU and have a good time....lead that Christmas Conga line!
Here's to you....may you make it through the seasons knwing there is a lot of love out in blogland for you.....

XXOO!!
Anne

glorv1 said...

I lost my dad in August of 2007 and still miss him very much. Of course it's never the same without your parents. It's like we become orpans of sort. No matter what you do, just be happy. Your dad will always be at your side. Take care Georgina.

peggy gatto said...

But wait, you have these beautiful memories that are yours forever! I don't like change much! I find as I get older that it is difficult to accept change unless I INITIATE IT!
HVE FUN MAKING YOUR NEW MEMORIES!
I'LL BE THINKING OF YOU!

yoborobo said...

Georgina - I am so sorry I missed this post. It must be hard for you this time of year. I am glad you have those little grandkids around to stir things up and keep you on your toes - literally! haha! Sending you a big old hug! xoxo Pam

Cynjon said...

Hugs and love to you, G...and here's to the beginnings of new traditions.

Yve said...

Sorry about your loss and hope you get through the holidays without too much pain. I was brought up in this house by my parents and grandparents, we all lived here together with my cousins too most of the time. It was a shock to lose Alice, my Gran but a few years later on when George, my Grandad, passed on this house seemed so empty no matter how many people came to stay.

He was always singing and larking around, telling tall stories and entertaining everyone, our "home" kind of was him somehow. It took a year or 2 after he left us for us all to realise that he hasn't gone at all, not in any ghostly way, but because we all talk about him and it's like he's still here. It just becomes that way in the end, you miss them but at the same time you just celebrate the fact that you were lucky enough to know them and they will always be with you after that :o)

Janine said...

Dear Georgina, to loose a beloved person is even harder in the christmas- time.
The best time in year turns kind of sad than.
But you are lucky to have a big family with lots of beloved people.
Enjoy the time you had with your dad.
He will still be with you.
Janine

Bone*Head*Studios said...

Even in sadness you lift my spirits,I wish I could do the same for you.You're in my thoughts and prayers for many better tomorrows
and happiness in memories of your dear dad.
Blessings,Flora