Friday, May 6, 2011

Happy Mother's Day

I want to wish you many mothers and muthers a very happy day. I had mine last week since my 25 year old baby was visiting, so this weekend will be just another lovely weekend, without my 25 year old baby!! I always remember my ex-father-in-law on that day. Many years ago, when I was a Baptist (yea, can you see me as a Baptist...wasn't a very good one as I wasn't a very good officer's wife either), and we all attended the Mother's Day service. The preacher was up in his pulpit, doing his preachy thingy when he asked "Will all you mother's please rise." Well, my mother-in-law and I were ready to rise when we noticed my f-i-l was making the motion to stand!! As you can imagine, we never got up because we were on the floor, wreathing in hysterical laughter! So to you, Dad or Big Bill, I salute you...the world was a funnier place when you were around!

I've posted one of my favorite comedic acts by Bill Engval. This guy is a member of the Blue Collar comedy team and this skit just about made me "make water in my drawers!" The reason I picked this particular video was due to something really funny. The other day, my hubby was in the kitchen and yelled out "dork corn!" I ran over to look to see what he was yelling about and sure enough, there it was, a dork corn. So here is a photo of our dork corn...wonder if I could catch a dork fish with it!!!! LOL

The other day after coming home from a day shopping with Miss Daisy, I was exhausted and just wanted to get into my ol' lady house dress and sit in front of the oscillating fan and watch some television. I usually don't watch daytime tv, so I really don't know what to expect when I turn the boobtube on. I put on the Bravo channel and I just couldn't beleive what I was watching. It's a show called "Pregnant in Heels." It's about this little skinny blond living in NYC, who is a clothes designer for the very preggers. I'm not sure if this woman is English and losing her accent, or has a speech impediment, but I can't believe some of these women she services. They seem to be overly-indulged, spoiled rotten, clueless little bimbos who are procreating...God help us!!! There was this one young woman who actually hired a "team" of women to guide her through her pregnancy. Even Little Blondie was puzzles as to why she was called in since this woman had more than enough opinions to go around. Then there was this other idiot who demanded diamonds because she was having her husbands child...really??? I was knocked up 3 times and the only thing I ever got from my husband was a coffee maker and toaster to replace the ones that had bitten the dust a few days before!! That's a mother's day story I'll save for later. The only thing these women worried about was having to push Jr. out and hope they didn't lose a nail in the process!! Aaaahhhhhh!!! Has the world gone crazy!!

Then came the "Housewives of Orange County!" Holy moly!!!! Ok, so I do make it a point to catch them when I can, along with the "Housewives of NYC and NJ." I'm sorry, but I can't maintain my intellectual demeanor for too long!!! LOLOLOLOLOLOL I need a break now and then. I know there are other housewives shows, but these are the only 3 that interest me. Why?? Hell if I know, but they do. The one thing that I do know concerning all these women, the bimbettes of Orange County, the pseudo-sophisticates of NYC, and the total train wreck of NJ, is that "money don't buy class!" Around here, we have our fair share of secondary drug lords that live in the country club areas, buying old, beautiful houses and then tearing them down to put up their horribly gaudy, brash homes with their towers and gates. I'll see the wives and children at the stores, dressed just as equally bad as their homes, minus gates and towers!! They drive their Escalades, Mercedes, Jags, and Hummers, calling much attention to themselves...helloooo, we know who you are and what you're daddy does!!

I also wanted to show you a pic of a painting I made my mother for Mother's Day. My dear mommy is 88 and really doesn't want for a thing, so we, her chillin'," need to come up with something very creative or just send her a card! My mother loves her St. Patrick Cathedral and is very active in the Christ Child organization, donating time and moola to the church. We were all baptized there, received our First Holy Communion, confession (that was traumatic) and confirmation. Speaking of confession, I remember my first time. When your a 7 year old, what can you really confess, well, now a days, maybe kids have lots more to confess, but back in the late 50's, there wasn't much to say. So it went like this:

Me: Bless me father for I have sinned, this is my first confession
Priest: Please recite "The Act of Contrition."
Me: Ok, if I can remember it.
Priest: Try
Me: I'm nervous, father, so I'll say what I know....(I said the whole thing, stuttering and stumbling the entire time).
Priest: What are your sins?
Me: I twisted my little brother's arm and made him say"uncle" because he called me a caca. I spit in my sister's milk because she made me mad and she didn't know about it till I told her after she finished it...
Priest: Wait, you spat in your sister's milk and told her?
Me: Yes, father, at least I told her, so that shouldn't be a big sin.
Priest: (sigh) Georgina, is there anything else?
Me: Yes, father. I went into my closet after my mother got mad at me for spitting in my sister's milk and called her a "caca" because she yelled at me.

Sooo, that was my first confession...I got 10 Hail Mary's and 10 Our Father's for my sins and I really never learned...I confessed the same sins for a few more years! When I turned 17, I went into the confessional and told the priest, who I had the royal heats for, this would be my last confession....didn't see the point of the middleman!!

So here is our church and there's a school next door, which I attended from Kinder-7th grade. My parents were upset that they were hiring non-certified layman to teach...the penguins didn't count since they were certified....some were certifiable!!!! My 7th grade teacher was still in college and teaching, so they used that as an excuse to yank me out of what I had known all my academic life and sent me to a brand, spankin' new middle school for my last year...hated it!! After that, they sent me to Loretto Academy, named after the Sister's of Loretto, for high school, again, yanking me out after my sophomore year to another public high school, this time the reason was that I wasn't doing well academically...I left there with a 3.2 average. The real reason was that they were spending oodles of cash-o-la sending my older sis to a private college, so pennies needed to be pinched. However, I have always maintained my friendships with my Loretto friends, only associating with one of my public school buddies now. I even go the reunions and we see each other once a month, either at book club or the class of '70 dinners now and then.

Well, I really need to get my butt into the studio and get going on my "Bird is the Word," projects. I am not a fan of the feathered beasties, as Anne will attest to that, but I found all these little wooden bird houses and want to do something with them and birds just felt fitting!! Again, have a wonderful Mother's/Muther's Day. Peace out.


Mary Helen-Art Saves Lives said...

Happy HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY! You always make me smile and giggle with your words. I love your dork corn...I bet it tastes great! Peace, Mary Helen

ziggy stardust said...

Hey Georgina! I hope you had a great Moms Day. Your blog made me laugh and your painting is lovely!


Amy said...

yes i love you now.

ionno where you've been hiding this blog, but

i found it.


Incipient Wings said...

i watched that pregnant in heels show once! i couldnt look away! i think i was in shock. those women are so stupid!
you are too funny!i got a cramp in my belly from reading your first confession!
hope you had a great day on Sunday.
hugs to you:)